There's a short essay floating around cyber space that has been mentioned to me a few times since Brandt was born called Welcome to Holland. It's written by the mother of a child with a disability, though I'm not exactly sure which one she means. She talks about motherhood like it's a trip to Italy. You've flipped through all the brochures, planned the sights you want to see, and gotten recommendations from friends who have been there before you. Finally the day of your trip arrives and you merrily set off for Italy, but as your plane lands, the stewardess calls out "Welcome to Holland". Suddenly your plans have changed, and you're in a much less "flashy" country, but after the shock passes, you find new things to enjoy, and have just as good of a trip as you had originally planned.
I love this essay, but it doesn't quite fit our scenario. If "Italy" is a normal child-rearing experience, and "Holland" represents the slower pace of a child with Downs or other similar disabilities, Brandt doesn't really fit into either. He is, for the most part, a normal child. He'll have all the normal milestones, he won't be learning impaired...when his last surgery is done, we'll have a few very normal years. But life in general has more risk for him. Our "trip destination" with him looks kind of like, I dunno...Tanzania? The longer I percolated on it (obviously, I have too much spare time on my hands), the more it seemed to fit.
A trip to the Serengeti is exciting, like Italy, but in a totally different way. Your suitcase full of touristy clothes will need to be quickly replaced with mosquito netting and khaki. Sight seeing is now in the form of wild cats and wildebeests, giraffes and elephants. It's a beautiful trip, but the risk level is considerably higher. Here, you are much more aware of potential dangers, because there are more, simply because of it's geologic location. In the first few days, everything will be frightening, but soon you'll learn to differentiate. Big cats can be dangerous, but if you don't pester them they usually won't bother you. Elephants look gentle unless they get riled up. Even the potential illnesses here are more dangerous than they would be in Italy, but they can often be avoided with something as simple as mosquito netting.
You learn to rely on your tour guide a lot more than you had planned to, had you ended up in Italy. There, one or two tours of the big attractions would be enough. After all, museums are more fun to stroll through at your own pace. In Tanzania, nothing is even remotely familiar. The language you studied for your planned trip means nothing here. Your tour guide becomes something of a lifeline. He speaks English and can interpret the customs and language that you've become immersed in. He can warn you away from dangers, and show you the beautiful parts of the country. And even though you wish you didn't need to depend on him so much, he becomes invaluable.
None of the friends that went to Italy can advise you about Tanzania. It's a place that not many people visit. Instead, they ask you questions about it, and more often than not, there's no simple answer to a lot of their questions. "Did you go there because a family member went before you?" "How is the trip going?" "Do you think you'll end up there again the next time you go on a trip?" "Is this trip going to be just as long as the one you had planned for Italy?" "Are you disappointed you didn't end up where you wanted to go?" They're probably the same questions that one would get after going to Holland, really, but that doesn't mean there's an easy answer to most of them.
So yes, our plane got diverted. And even though the shock of stepping off the plane into a totally different country was huge, I don't think either of us would trade it for "what might have been". We can always go to Italy another time, but this trip has been full of softening experiences that I'm glad we've had the chance to be a part of.
I love this essay, but it doesn't quite fit our scenario. If "Italy" is a normal child-rearing experience, and "Holland" represents the slower pace of a child with Downs or other similar disabilities, Brandt doesn't really fit into either. He is, for the most part, a normal child. He'll have all the normal milestones, he won't be learning impaired...when his last surgery is done, we'll have a few very normal years. But life in general has more risk for him. Our "trip destination" with him looks kind of like, I dunno...Tanzania? The longer I percolated on it (obviously, I have too much spare time on my hands), the more it seemed to fit.
A trip to the Serengeti is exciting, like Italy, but in a totally different way. Your suitcase full of touristy clothes will need to be quickly replaced with mosquito netting and khaki. Sight seeing is now in the form of wild cats and wildebeests, giraffes and elephants. It's a beautiful trip, but the risk level is considerably higher. Here, you are much more aware of potential dangers, because there are more, simply because of it's geologic location. In the first few days, everything will be frightening, but soon you'll learn to differentiate. Big cats can be dangerous, but if you don't pester them they usually won't bother you. Elephants look gentle unless they get riled up. Even the potential illnesses here are more dangerous than they would be in Italy, but they can often be avoided with something as simple as mosquito netting.
You learn to rely on your tour guide a lot more than you had planned to, had you ended up in Italy. There, one or two tours of the big attractions would be enough. After all, museums are more fun to stroll through at your own pace. In Tanzania, nothing is even remotely familiar. The language you studied for your planned trip means nothing here. Your tour guide becomes something of a lifeline. He speaks English and can interpret the customs and language that you've become immersed in. He can warn you away from dangers, and show you the beautiful parts of the country. And even though you wish you didn't need to depend on him so much, he becomes invaluable.
None of the friends that went to Italy can advise you about Tanzania. It's a place that not many people visit. Instead, they ask you questions about it, and more often than not, there's no simple answer to a lot of their questions. "Did you go there because a family member went before you?" "How is the trip going?" "Do you think you'll end up there again the next time you go on a trip?" "Is this trip going to be just as long as the one you had planned for Italy?" "Are you disappointed you didn't end up where you wanted to go?" They're probably the same questions that one would get after going to Holland, really, but that doesn't mean there's an easy answer to most of them.
So yes, our plane got diverted. And even though the shock of stepping off the plane into a totally different country was huge, I don't think either of us would trade it for "what might have been". We can always go to Italy another time, but this trip has been full of softening experiences that I'm glad we've had the chance to be a part of.
I love your essay on going to Tanzania. You have a wonderful way of expressing your thoughts and feelings. Enjoy your trip. It looks to be a great adventure.
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